Is there a better version of yourself?

Have you ever thought, where is the edge between the ability to overcome limitations in our own heads and overconfidence?

How can you tell, if someone is not just trying to achieve more, overcoming stereotypes formed in childhood, or acquired over the course of a life, but is instead wishful thinking, creating an illusion of abilities that he is not really capable of?

My benchmark

My eldest son, who is now 9 years old, has always been and remains my inspiration. He is a special boy; having experienced a serious injury and subsequent illness in infancy, he has a developmental delay and is forced to always and everywhere catch up with his peers.

Things that for many children are easy and natural, are for him the way full of struggle, with ups and downs and tears of despair, followed by an incredible joy, when he masters the challenge.

When we took our son from the hospital after a long treatment, the doctors were not ready to give any predictions. We were afraid to plan anything and could only dream carefully — let him walk at least, let him start talking, let him learn how to jump, let him be enrolled into the kindergarten… But despite all the limitations and difficulties, our son studies in a regular classroom of an ordinary school, speaks several languages, rides a bike and swims. What for us, his parents, looks like a daily struggle, is for him the natural course of life. Working three times as hard as everyone else is his norm.

And gradually I began to realize that we, ourselves, having almost lost him once, in a daily struggle with difficulties, established a ceiling for him — a vision that he will never achieve what healthy people achieve. And I thank God that our son did not recognize this message, that for him this ceiling does not exist. He just does not know what could be different. Are we talking about overconfidence here? Bragging, not backed by abilities?

My answer is perhaps way too obvious. Limits are only an illusion, but they can take on quite physical forms if we allow them to control us, our desires and goals.

My learning

Since childhood, I believed that I could achieve anything I wanted if I planned it on time and correctly wrote an action plan. Instead of asking myself whether I was able to perform my tasks, whether I had the right abilities and opportunities, or enough time, I simply worked on my goals, step by step.

But the further I moved, the more I heard from the people around me: it is too difficult for you. You are too young. You have no experience in this. You are a mother and you should spend more time with children. You are a woman and this industry is not for you. You live in the wrong city … Like bunches of grapes that make the barrel heavier, these judgments gradually left an imprint on my behaviour, my perception of myself and the surrounding reality. Imperceptibly to me, my priorities began to shift, I myself began to believe in what I heard, my steps slowed down, and my goals became smaller.

At what point on my way did the substitution of concepts happen ? Why did I allow external value judgments to influence my inner self, and change what have formed my personality and successes at the very beginning?

My situation is not unique. Society often imposes on us a certain pattern of behaviour, a familiar line. If we go beyond that line we are considered overconfident, unprincipled. In other words, “not like us.” The only difference is that some people do not pay any attention to such statements, and some, like me, gradually begin to destroy everything we have already created by ourselves.

However, the world is changing. Roles and models in the modern society have ceased to be so rigid, and international companies wishing to remain successful and develop more dynamically and faster than others, are using new approaches to create teams and are looking for new skills from employees..

For example, during our recent meeting at WebSummit, Amir Banifatemi from the X Prize Foundation mentioned that although companies still place vacancies in the usual way to find people for specific positions, they are actually looking for those who can fulfill certain tasks or solve their headaches. And this skill set usually does not fit into the scope of a particular vacancy.

This means that those who think outside the box, whose desires and goals are not limited by generally accepted norms and requirements, will become successful employees. Those whose desire for movement prevails over comfort, who take on tasks with an enthusiasm bordering on recklessness, sometimes picking up missing knowledge in the process, but having a core in the form of basic values and skills.

My way

So, having passed the internal point of no return, step by step I again began to build my own way, in which the desire to make a difference replaces the obedience acquired over the years. And the more confidence I gained, the more I met people who thought in unison with me. Changes in the inner acceptance of myself led to external changes in the reality surrounding me.

In urban coworking spaces and accelerators I see the blazing eyes of the guys founding startups. At international conferences I communicate with the visionaries who are changing the world at an incredible pace… They all believe in their strength, learn on the go and never stop. These are my role models, and this time I won’t give them up..

I am convinced that the difference between assurance and overconfidence is not as important as the way in which a person uses his skills and internal resources. After all, our world is an interweaving of all the abilities of humanity transformed into the physical world, which means that if we want to live in a better world, we simply have to work on ourselves and become the best versions of ourselves.